Butterflies

"Does that give you butterflies in your stomach to think this might happen?"

I was FaceTiming with my dad today, sharing some good news I've recently received, when this seemingly innocent question completely took me by surprise. It shouldn't have; it's a normal question typically asked in exciting or nerve-wracking situations. But it's usually just a metaphor. Today it took me off guard because yes I was feeling butterflies, but not because of this. And they weren't a metaphor. They were literal butterflies. They were the flickers and kicks and flutters of my child.

My last post, seven months ago, outlined my heartache with our second pregnancy loss. But today I'm five months pregnant with our double rainbow baby. Even as I type this my baby is wiggling and grooving and I never want it to stop.

The blessings we've been showered with these last seven months have been staggering. Freelance and contract positions in the industries I love, invitations for committees and speaking engagements in a field I'm still pinching myself that I'm a part of, a community that's surrounded me and rallied in the best and worst of times, a rescue dog who completed our little zoo, and the promise of an expanding family.

And now the prospect that my writing might be enjoyed by people other than me someday.

And just that hope is enough.

Bring on the butterflies. Both literal and metaphorical.