When Life Looks Different

Let's just get this out in the open: I'm a planner. There's not a spontaneous bone in my body. When driving to places I've never been, I'll make my poor husband do a dry run with me the day before so I can scope out parking. I leave with enough time to be abducted by aliens and return safely before I'm late. You invite me to something the day before (or heaven forbid, the day OF), don't. The answer is no.

I used to think this was a good quality. I was always on top of deadlines, never unprepared, and known for my reliability. But now? I may have leaned too far.

Life has this crazy way of not working out how we've planned. Construction clogging up a commute, weather causing a missed a connection before an international flight, dog throwing up and needing a last minute vet appointment. All part of life. Annoying, yes, but not debilitating.

But the bigger things are harder to adjust for. Planning for a first summer as a mother, then boom: no baby. Planning to spend the foreseeable future working under the best boss I've ever had, then boom: she transfers. Planning to have a true Maine summer with lots of free time, then boom: cast in a show. Planning to understudy two roles (still leaving plenty of free time), then boom: a cast injury shifts me into a new role two weeks before we open. This little planner has had a rough summer!

But let me tell you, I've had a blast. I've made memories and friends that will last me a lifetime. I'm getting to see Maine in a way I wouldn't normally as we start to tour the state with our little show. I've been put to the test professionally and personally and came out better for it. I've begun putting steps in place should we get pregnant again, that will make life a whole lot easier.

Am I glad life didn't work out the way I planned? I think so. Was I stressed and overworked and exhausted? Absolutely. Still am. But I'm learning that I can still thrive in uncertainty, and life won't fall apart. It might even be better.